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There's some charlatans I can stand and some I can't. The ones I can
stand are the ones that are doing it for cash and admit, up front, that
they are tricking you. They're the ones doing magic and Three Card Monty;
I think I've covered that before.
The ones I can't stand are the ones that are doing it for cash, and
expect you to buy into it. In fact, they rely on you buying into their tripe.
They're the ones offering fake surgery to people.
I think I covered that before too.
Enter
The Cuss Control Academy. The cuss Control Academy would have you believe
you can have fame, fortune, respect, and a free trip to
the heaven of your choice if you would simply give in to social pressure
and stop swearing. They also want you to believe that giving them money
will help make this happen.
They are, naturally, full of it.
Now, before we go on, I assure you the page you are looking at, despite its content,
will not contain any swear words. You can find those
here.
The reason I don't swear in this article is not because I condone what
the CCA does or what they stand for. I don't. No, the reason I don't is to
prove two points: one, refraining from swearing will not make you
an instant Scrooge McDuck, and two, you don't need to give up your
hard-earned cash to anyone offering that kind of "help". I gave up swearing, right here, for
free, so can you, if you actually care to. And I am a sailor.
Now, any time you're selling someone something they don't want or need,
you need to start by changing both those things. It's best to do that in
a medium where you have the benefit of telling the tale (like a website),
and somewhere where you can hold things just out of reach (again, a
website). The CCA has both those things going for them at their site, and I have both
those things going for me here :D SO, I'm going to get a little bit of "revenge", if you'll
humor me. Yellow = them.
Excerpts from the CCA's site, and my
humble replies:
Swearing Imposes a Personal Penalty
If you have a choice, don't take the yards, just repeat the play. That way, you
can swear again, more profusely.
It gives a bad impression
Which is why people in movies never swear
It makes you unpleasant to be with
Unless, of course, your friends are real people
It endangers your relationships
People having sex never, ever swear.
It's a tool for whiners and complainers
The Cuss Control Academy, a haven for whiners, complainers, and the card-carrying
dainty, does not contain any swear words throughout their site. Tool? Maybe.
For whiners? Hardly.
It reduces respect people have for you
I'm sure being afraid to step on anyone's toes and
never, ever speaking up or doing anything to offend anyone is just going to cause the
respect to come gushing in like Ron Jeremy.
It shows you don't have control
I'd just like to remind you I haven't sworn once yet in this article
It's a sign of a bad attitude
It discloses a lack of character
I'm sure Harvey Keitel and Clint Eastwood have never once sworn in their lives
It's immature
Aww, gee mom
It reflects ignorance
Not as much as your face!
It sets a bad example
Anyone actually following my example will be swearing
loudly soon enough anyway. Even if I'm not.
Swearing is Bad for Society
Any society? Remind me to swear more when I'm overseas.
It contributes to the decline of civility
Almost as much as ripping people off does
It represents the dumbing down of America
The same people complaining about the "Dumbing Down of America" are
also hoping you're dumb enough to give them money so you won't swear.
It offends more people than you think
Gee, I hope so.
It is disrespectful of others
You are playing my song.
It turns discussions into arguments
It's a miracle!
It can be a sign of hostility
What can't it be?
It can lead to violence
But only if you've been extra good this year
Swearing corrupts the English language
No, sitcoms did that a long time ago. And swearing had a head start.
It's abrasive, lazy language
Well, okay.
It lacks imagination
Coitus Guzzling Discount Lustbucket.
It has lost its effectiveness
Which is why they're not complaining about it or anything.
And here's my review of the CCA's website.
Length: To the point. As long as you're not buying anything from them anyway.
Lucidity: Together. Anyone buying something from them, on the other hand...
Readability: English. Actually, I'm creating a new category, English minus one:
Readability: Dick, Jane, and Spot.
Annoyance: Tubgirl/Goatse Related Incident. They take condescending to levels indie music
snobs can't reach.
Accuracy: Any Terrible Fanfic. Unless being grifted magically causes you to stop swearing,
I guess.
Goodbye, and remember, swearing means caring
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