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I reached a block a while back. Here I was, knee deep in sites written by the
fringiest of the fringe, looniest of the loons, bad web designiest of the...
you get the point. However, as I went further and further into my spiraling world
of nightmare, pastel font, dementia, and social failure, I began to realize something:
I'm not really gonna get my point across this way.
See, the problem isn't that there's loony people out there. The problem is that there aren't
enough loony people out there. Actually, that's not technically true. There's plenty people
that shouldn't be allowed around anything sharp or pointy. The problem is that the people who
take their deluded worldview, research it, do everything possible to validate it, link it to
fact after fact and actual situation after actual situation, in a doomed effort to make it all
make sense (myself included, if the website you're looking at counts), aren't the ones I really
want to point out to the rest of you folks as often as you'd think. Which, of course, poses
a serious problem if you basically run a one-sided, completely unfair, throwing rocks at the
crazies site like my own.
No, the people that need to go through some sort of class before they're allowed to speak to
others are, it turns out, the vast majority of us. I'm not saying that to be cool. I'm not going
to go on a tirade about which politicians are okay or what it's okay to eat and not eat or which
religion you should practice (if any) or anything. Since me saying "I don't care about being cool"
doesn't get the point across anymore, I'll go ahead and nail the door shut: One of my best
friends owns the singing fish. It's on the wall. I walked up and pushed the button that causes
it to sing. And listened. Now when I say I really don't have the slightest regard for anyone's
opinion on anything, you'll believe me, and we can continue.
The truth is, the people that inhabit the question and answer forums, the tech support forums,
the "we're all okay even though the outside world says we aren't" forums, the messageboards,
the support groups, the people that study their television and movies instead of watching them,
the people that feel their taste in music, politicians, religions, pasta, coffee, alcohol,
people, sunday afternoon activities, video games, nose goblins, furniture, cars, clothes,
genders, potato chips, websites, foriegn films, commercialized foriegn culture, noncommercialized
things, or insects puts them in an exclusive minority, different from and persecuted by the the
human race, with a select cabal of others like them that just might be the only hope for
humanity, are insane. Xenophobic, misanthropic, schizoid, paranoid, and demented.
Don't worry if any of that applied to you, though. There aren't sane people left. Our very
definition of insanity became all-encompassing a long time ago, and our standards have only
slipped since then. Culture isn't about finding other people who enjoy doing what you do anymore.
Culture is about finding other people remotely like you and starting a war with everyone who
isn't one of you. Your cabal against everyone's. There aren't any Morlocks and Eloi; we're all
both at different times depending on convenience, in a world where everyone is really and truly
out to get you.
You're pretty screwed.
In this part of my site, then, is every "unofficial" conspiracy, geocities style. I'm not going
to raid Google Answers for humor; people a lot more popular than myself have done a much better
job of that than I could, and the people at sites like Google Answers do an even better
job than that, to themselves. I'm still going to be scraping the resin off the bottom of the internet
barrel here, just like everywhere else. Just that you're more likely to feel bad about things I
wrote here. Don't. No one's safe.
On a side note, if you want to be represented unfairly here, please
e-mail me.
Our dainty, fragile ears, and how they justify homicide
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